College Parents - Students Are Coming Home For The Holidays

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Featured at RaiseYourChild.org
By Shelley Ladin

Where did the Fall Term go? You just dropped off your son or daughter in August and now you are making plans with them to come home for Thanksgiving/winter break. Transportation arrangements are set. Dates and times figured out. Bring home some items for storage. Make a list of what they need to take back. But one forgotten item: How will you handle them being home again?

What guidelines if any should exist? It is not an easy time. Yes it is wonderful that they will be home, however things are not the same. For the past few months, they have been on their own setting their own bedtimes, having their own “rules”.

Granted, some visits require very little conversation and others a great deal. In either case, it is still an adjustment. One item to remember: they have been on their own for a few months now. They will just try to be the independent individuals you want them to be.

Over a 4-day break it is not such a big deal. By the time your son or daughter comes home, they will be heading back to college but what about winter break when they are home for at least a few weeks? You want it to be a happy time, an enjoyable time - not a time when you cannot wait for them to go back.

General Guidelines

General guidelines are needed.
Acknowledge that things have changed.
Understand there needs to be give and take.
Realize you are still the parent.
Realize your student is accustomed to being on his or her own.

Expectations:

Spending lots of time with your son or daughter.

Having the same “rules” as before.

Spending some quality time together.

Going out to dinner.

Realize:

Your students have been “in charge” of their lives for the past few months and are accustomed to this.

Your students will expect to spend a lot of time with the friends they have not seen in a while.

Your students now live on a “college” schedule: going out late at night, going to sleep in the middle of the night and sleeping till noon.

A good balance can certainly be set up between what they want and what you want.

This is an adjustment period for them as well. Give them a break.

You may need to acknowledge their independence, give them more leeway than when they were home before, but always keep in mind: it is still your house, not a dorm. You are the parent.

What if it doesn’t work out too well?

Don’t feel too bad. This happens all of the time. It will probably be better the next time they visit.

Always keep in mind:

There has been a great deal of change for both of you. They are growing up and you are learning to let go.

Whatever you do, respect each other’s feelings, rules.

It is really great for them to be home! “There’s no place like home”.

About the Author

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November 13 2007 09:39 am | Child Development and College and Holidays

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